Mr. Self Destruct or The Siren's Call of Hedonism

Soda is poison in a can.  It has no redeeming qualities. There is no reason to ever drink it. Oh wait, there is one: it's delicious.

Growing up in my family, adults drank coffee and kids drank soda. Water was what you boiled potatoes in. My intake of Mountain Dew in high school was so extreme that I needed a big glass to wake up in the morning and to go to bed at night. I couldn't function without caffeine.

I first realized soda was a problem when, for the first time in my life, I didn't drink soda for a few days. This occurred in college, and was more a function of poor planning and laziness than actual healthy intent. I found myself in the grip of some terrible sickness with a horrific headache, nausea and weakness in my legs.  Only after a few hours of what felt like slow death did it occur to me that I hadn't had soda (or caffeine) in days.

And caffeine is probably the lesser of soda's evils. The insane amounts of sugar are the real killer. (Over nine teaspoons in a can of Coke? Are you fucking serious?)

The thing is, I realized how evil soda is all those years ago.  There is no sane reason to still drink it.  Yet for many more years it was still my primary beverage (I'm still not sure how I don't have diabetes). Even in recent years as I've slowly pushed normal soda out of my life, I've turned to diet sodas and flavored waters to fill the void.  And while those drinks have zero calories, the fake sweeteners they contain are likely just as dangerous as the sugar in soda, if not more so.

We could play the shell game of citing conflicting research about artificial sweeteners and debate what is valid (I'm sure Coke has funded some wonderful research that proves all its products are amazingly healthy and also happen to cure erectile dysfunction).  But when it comes down to it, the math is simple: old fashioned, no-bullshit-added water is the healthiest option.  Why drink anything else?

So I find myself four weeks into a brave new world of drinking water as my primary beverage. But since I've known for such a long time that this is the right thing to do, why has it taken so long? I'm a fairly smart guy.  I like living. I want to be healthy. Just drinking water would be best thing to do.  Why didn't I start doing it years ago?

Let me tell you a little secret, friends: Life is hard and frustrating. It's difficult to raise your mental binoculars to peer into the future when something is tormenting you in the present. Instead, we look for some kind of pleasure in the here and now.

So imagine this: You're at your job, every email you get is a fresh hell and you have more to do than humanly possible yet you're told that it's still much less than you should be able to do.  What do you do before your head explodes?

For me, far too often it would turn into a quick run to the free corporate soda supply to indulge in the delights of a refreshing can of Coke.  I could take it to my desk, crack it open (oh the sound!) and then let the pure heaven of the taste wash over me as I continue to wade up the river of bullshit. This scenario would repeat far too often.

Tweak the details and I'm sure a similar story applies to your vice of choice.  We all know better (has anyone since the 50s said, "I smoke because it's healthy"?), but life just keeps hitting like a ton of bricks and we need something.  Work frustrations are one thing, but when the big problems hit, thoughts of long term healthy choices go out the window and it's time to self medicate.  Let me tell you, I've had some tough times over the last couple of years, and I couldn't drink those delicious Cokes fast enough.

So here I am in the present, fat and out of shape but also luckily relatively healthy.  Now is the time to break the cycle of vice and find healthier ways to get through the daily grind.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy, right? If only it was.

I known that getting healthy is a war I have to fight (cutting out soda being just one aspect of that war) and right now I'm ready to fight that war.  But it's the battles that will get you.  Every moment of every day could hold that next struggle.  Here comes some condescending corporate memo that reminds you how insignificant you are, so what do you do, hot shot? Well, how about just one soda. It's so delicious, and you'll feel good for a moment and forget about the frustration for just a little bit. No, must win the battle! Okay, resisted temptation.  Wait, what the fuck is this new email? Arrrrgghhhhhh.

It's fucking hard.  And that's the first step: accept that it's fucking hard and there will be a million temptations, and those bad boys play dirty pool. We have to be ever vigilant. Sucks, right? Let's pause and take some deep breaths until we feel better. Okay, let's continue.

So after accepting that and forgiving myself for all my past failures, I have devised a simple strategy:

1. Every morning I take a moment to think about my health goals, remind myself why I have them and find motivation to follow through.
2. I fall back to those thoughts when shit happens, kind of like cognitive therapy.
3. Every night (and this is the big one) I celebrate my success or forgive myself any failures and encourage myself to do better tomorrow.
4. I plan an occasional indulgence to reduce the temptation build up, a bend-don't-break approach (if you're trying to give up the really addictive stuff, this step won't apply). 

In step 1, I try to find positive motivation, not negative.  "I want to lose weight because I'm so fat," is not a positive motivation.  I instead focus on the person I want to become instead of being frustrated with the person I am. I imagine the extra energy I'll have and how I'll feel more comfortable in my own skin.  I think of the cool band t-shirts I'll be able to fit into again.  I think of how every time I eat poorly to self medicate, they are winning (that's a bit negative, but in the most positive way). And most importantly, I remind myself that I need to just take one day at a time.  I can't lose all the weight in a day, but I can make a positive step. Also, I focus on the fact that I'm effectively rolling a stone up a hill, so a little slip can lose a lot of ground. You can safely lose about two pounds a week, but you can gain waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than that.

Now in step 2, I recall that little morning pep talk as I go through the day. Instead of waging an addict's war in my head numerous times, I just remember that I've thought this through already and I know what I truly want. It's a rock that I build upon, and anything that makes me doubt it is a false and dangerous thing.  I also try to find other positive outlets in my day. Maybe I look forward to a delicious but healthy lunch, or maybe sneaking off with a good book when I have the chance.  There are so many positive ways to find a little pleasure in a day.

Step 3 is the big one.  Most of us are far too hard on ourselves. We're just human, full of imperfections. So if I get through a day and do well, I have a little mental celebration. (I'd be ready to have a parade in the streets of my town if I wasn't quite so lazy.)  Let me tell you, when you look back at the day and realize you've done good things, things you've often struggled with, it feels way better than any number of Cokes and you won't regret it two minutes later. Mike, you beautiful bastard, you had a great day! And it's just as important to forgive yourself if you fail. Tomorrow's a new day full of new battles, but it's also a fresh opportunity to do the things you truly want to do. Failure is only a problem when it makes friends. You just have to avoid letting a day become days and then weeks and then...

Step 4 is my fallback, like the pitons mountain climbers use. Once a week I have a 20 ounce bottle of Coke. It may feel like a great moral victory to never have a soda again, but if I say this out loud: "I'll never have a soda again as long as I live," it rings false in my ears. Instead, I control when I have that one drink, and when I struggle, I remind myself that if I can only make it to my indulgence day, I can finally have that soda I'm so jonesing for without guilt. This approach has saved me from going off the deep end numerous times.

You can also apply step 4 to upcoming events.  Business trip? Wedding? Most of us aren't so healthy at those times, so accept it and be ready to get back on the plan right after.

So right now, I'm a few weeks into my new watery life. (I've never drank mostly water this long. I don't think I've made it two days without going back to something with flavoring it.)  For the last couple weeks I've also been eating pretty darn well. (I was ready to start earlier but had a week-long business trip and, again, I'm only human.) I feel motivated and committed.  I feel like I can get healthy and hopefully stick around for a long time.

But the battles will come, every single day.  I'll lose some.  How I react to those losses determines if the war will be won or lost. So if you see me drinking a soda, don't ask me what went wrong, just tell me, "It's okay, tomorrow is a new day."