My First Public Reading

On May 22nd, I will be reading an abbreviated version of my non-fiction piece, "Rewind" at art2art. This will be my first public reading.

Here are a few thoughts about such an auspicious occasion:

I'm a genre fiction writer

Not only am I a genre fiction writer, but I'm damn proud to be one. While I enjoy and have great respect for literary writing, it's not my calling. My stories slither in my head, and refuse to be contained in a real world setting.

However, while the tales I want to tell invoke the supernatural, they're not examples of the bad genre fiction that have trained many literary writers to turn up their noses (at least I hope they're not). To me, genre fiction is a way to write about real people struggling with real problems through the fresh perspective of a fantastical prism.

For example, three short stories I'm working on now deal with, respectively, depression, alcoholism and adultery. Supernatural elements play second fiddle to these central themes, which to me is essential in elevating genre fiction to something more than an easy escape.

I'm not a non-fiction writer

Apart from blogging, I don't write non-fiction pieces. "Rewind" is the one exception, and if you attend art2art and hear me read it (or if you convince me to give you a copy), you'll see that it's more of a documentary of my childhood experiences than a constructed work. Memories flowed to the screen, written in such a way to best express how those memories felt to me.

The response from those who have read the piece has been very positive, and it is so painfully honest that it just makes the most sense to be my first public work. This will be the one chance to see the real me before I hide behind my fictional characters forevermore.

Why I'm scared shitless to read "Rewind" in public

There will be no place to hide when I'm reading about the worst parts of my life. We conceal our pasts carefully, only sharing them reluctantly, and soon I'll be publicly revealing mine to any that will listen.

But, as I explained to someone with whom I shared the piece, "You can’t create art if you hide parts of yourself. The parts you want to hide are where the art resides."

And I just officially quoted myself. About art. Pretty damn pretentious, I must admit.

Why I'm not afraid to fail

I have come to terms with my inner critic.

He's one tough son-of-a-bitch. He hates everything I do, and ridicules it in the meanest way possible. For a long time he kept me from writing, and even after I began, he prevented me from admitting I was a writer.

I've tried my best to kill him off, but that bastard refuses to die. So I've learned to live with him with two simple mantras: "It's impossible to be perfect," and "It's okay to be human."

Keeping this in mind allows me to write without competing with the world. It doesn't matter whether I'm great or terrible. Being great or rich or famous aren't the reasons why I write.

With those heavy burdens discarded, the only way I can fail is if I stop writing.

Why I write

I'm a professional software developer, which is a reasonably lucrative trade that I also happen to enjoy. I have plenty of fulfilling interests and hobbies that keep me busy. So why write, when it's so damn hard and time-consuming and most definitely not lucrative? Any explanation I could give is a poor approximation of what Kurt Vonnegut once said:

"Still and all, why bother? Here's my answer. Many people need desperately to receive this message: I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone."

That is why I write. As simple as that.